Finding Closure from the Past

ImageThis weekend is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada.  It is also the weekend that will forever be etched in my brain as the weekend my father passed away.  This year will be 16 years since he left this world.

             My dad left the family home when I was about 2, so I don’t really remember him at home. Because of the circumstances, my dad was made out to be the bad guy.  As far as I remember, my siblings never went to visit him, but I went to visit him on Saturdays until I was about 8 or 9, maybe 10….my memory is a little fuzzy on that one.  I never really had a close relationship with my dad.  Yet, he left an indelible mark on my heart.

I have had many conversations with my dad over the past few years.  Not literal ones of course.  I guess it is more like I feel my dad is a guardian angel for me now.  Because of my own life circumstances I feel a strong bond to him. I find it strange how I think of him more now than when he was actually here.  In a sense it seems that he is even more involved with my life now than he was when he walked on this earth as well.

There are many times when I wish I could have a real adult conversation with him.  I want to let him know that I do truly love him and I realize that things are not always as they seem.  I want to tell him that I understand why he left, and that although not having a father figure in my life has marked me in many ways, I know that there was nothing he could do.  I know he did what he could with what he had.  And that is all any of us can do in life, is it not?

Advertisements

Living in the Moment

14345113-smiling-little-businessman-looking-confidentAre you happy right now, exactly where you are in your life?  Can you look yourself in the mirror and say, “Yes.  I am perfect for today!”?

A while ago I started reading about being content in the moment.  Being happy right where you are now.  “But how is that possible when I have so much that I want to change?  When there are so many things that make me unhappy? “ my inner voice would scream. Continue reading

Just A Mom

Image

I just came across this, and I have to say I love it!  For so long I have always dreaded the question, “So what do you do?”  I wish I could have come back with an answer like this, for it is so true that a Mom has many different job descriptions.  Instead, I would cower and say that I was “Just a stay-at-home mom”.  Why did I feel inferior?  Why did being a Mom not mean that I was an amazing person?

As much as so many people want to climb the corporate ladder, I think that I am making an amazing contribution to society by taking the time to raise intelligent, well balanced adults who will contribute to society in a loving, giving manner.   So, I guess being a Mom is important!  And, might I add, one of the hardest jobs in the world?  But also one of the most rewarding.

So, cheers to all the moms in the world!  We are amazing, strong, instrumental contributors to our families and society, and we should be proud of it.

 

Just for Today

As we are about to begin a new week, I was reminded of this quote I had taped in my gratitude journal.  I would read this every morning as I started my day, and at the end of the day I would take stock and write down 5 things I was thankful for that day.   It is amazing how such a small thing can have such a huge impact on how you see your day and your life!  I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

I will live through the next 12 hours and not try to tackle all of life’s problems at once.

I will try to improve my mind.  I will learn something useful.

I will learn something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

I will be agreeable.

I will look my  best, speak in a well-modulated voice, be courteous and considerate.

I will not find fault with my friends, relatives or colleagues.

I will try not to change or improve anyone but myself.

I will have a programme.  I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it.

I will save myself from my two enemies–hurry and indecision.

I will do a good turn and keep it a secret.  If anyone finds out, it won’t count.

I will do two things I don’t want to do, just for the exercise.

I will believe in myself.

I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give its best to me.

Wishing everyone a great Monday and a wonderful week!

The Seasons of Life

IMG_2564

Puddicombe Farms in 2010

The season of fall has come upon us this week.  We are back to the cooler air that requires those comfortable sweaters and warm blankets once again.  Scents of casseroles permeate the rooms of my house and the hot chocolate has been pulled out of the cupboard again.  Anticipation builds as we look forward to fall colours, apple cider and the privilege of viewing pumpkin patches on a wagon ride.

As the season has changed this week, so has my life.  I have entered another stage of life in which I am beginning to live my dreams and once again do things that I want to do (not HAVE to do).

Earlier in the week I started my writing course.  Doing something by myself for myself is something rather foreign for me.  I would do ANYTHING for someone else, but when it came to doing something for me, I would back up, shake my head and say thanks but no thanks.

I am celebrating the fact that I had the courage to enroll in this course, find my way there on my own and that I faced a group of 20 people I had never met before. Last year at this time I would not have had the courage to take one of these steps, let alone manage the whole string of them.

I have to admit that I did kind of freeze up when trying to introduce myself and tell what I hoped to get out of the course.  But, by the time we had written our first piece and separated into groups to share our work, I had gathered up the courage to offer to read my piece first.  Not because I thought it was so good.  I honestly thought it was horrible.  But who writes amazing stuff the first round anyways?  I just wanted to push the envelope and not be the last one standing.  Jump in and be brave.  Something I usually am not.  I also offered to do some “extra” work that the course instructor will tear to pieces and place red marks all over…oh, I meant make comments on.  He said to leave lots of room for comments.  Hmmm am I ready for that?  Yep, I sure am.  Throw everything at me.  I am ready to take any comments to help improve my work and help me grow as a writer.

Yesterday I had an orientation day at work, which was no more than watching some mind-numbing computer videos and being tested at the end of each one.  Real work starts next week, and I have to say that I am eager, willing and ready.  Nervous as well, but so looking forward to having a life outside of my four walls and doing something for me.

            I hope that my life will become as comfortable and full of colour as this season of fall.

           How is this new season treating you?

A little Inspiration

toji_temple_japanToday I smiled, and all at once things didn’t look so bad
Today I shared with someone else, a bit of hope I had
Today I sang a little song, and felt my heart grow light,
And walked a happy little mile, with not a cloud in sight.

Today I worked with what I had and longed for nothing more,
And what had seemed like only weeds, were flowers at my door.
Today I loved a little more and complained a little less,
And in the giving of myself, I forgot my weariness.

-Author Unknown (to me anyways)

I thought I would share this poem I came across recently. It really sums up how I want to live my life. I hope you enjoy!

Life’s Journey

Life's Journey-Melody Campbell

Are you feeling unsatisfied with your life?  Is there a nagging feeling that you want or need something more? Yet, you don’t know exactly what that something more is?   Do you feel a pull from responsibilities or people in your life that is taking you down a road you are not completely satisfied with?

Every person has a different journey to take in life.  We can follow the road forward, making choices of which path to follow when we hit a crossroad, or we can just stop and enjoy the scenery right where we are.

I have done enough sight seeing for a while, thank you very much!  As nice as the place that I am at in my journey is, I really need some new scenery in my life.  Something fresh that will challenge me and make me feel alive, not like I just exist.

This journey is not a race.  We must take our time.  It is something to embark upon with a spirit of adventure, and an open mind to find out where we truly want to end up.  We must shut out all outside influences and listen to our heart.  For in listening to our heart we will connect with our spirit, which will guide us, in which direction we need to go when we are ready to move forward.

If you are at a place in your journey in which you are comfortable, then great!  You are at the place you are meant to be at this moment.  But, if you feel like something is missing, like you are lost or ambling aimlessly, then quiet your mind.  Listen to your heart.  Your spirit will guide you.  Be patient, because this may take time.  But, when the feeling strikes, don’t fight it.  Rather, embrace it and take steps in the direction it is guiding you. Continue to listen to your heart as you make each step.  If it feels right, then great.  If not, then also listen to your heart and change your direction accordingly.

I have taken my first small steps.  This week I begin to travel an unknown road in facing the start of a new job and also the start of a writing course.  I can never seem to do one thing at a time!  I am nervous, excited and full of anticipation as to where this new path will lead.  The butterflies in my stomach turn to bats flapping around in there at times, but I know that I will survive this, and come out the better for it.

What point are you at in your journey?  Are you just enjoying the scenery, or is your heart leading you forward to a new destination?