This weekend is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. It is also the weekend that will forever be etched in my brain as the weekend my father passed away. This year will be 16 years since he left this world.
My dad left the family home when I was about 2, so I don’t really remember him at home. Because of the circumstances, my dad was made out to be the bad guy. As far as I remember, my siblings never went to visit him, but I went to visit him on Saturdays until I was about 8 or 9, maybe 10….my memory is a little fuzzy on that one. I never really had a close relationship with my dad. Yet, he left an indelible mark on my heart.
I have had many conversations with my dad over the past few years. Not literal ones of course. I guess it is more like I feel my dad is a guardian angel for me now. Because of my own life circumstances I feel a strong bond to him. I find it strange how I think of him more now than when he was actually here. In a sense it seems that he is even more involved with my life now than he was when he walked on this earth as well.
There are many times when I wish I could have a real adult conversation with him. I want to let him know that I do truly love him and I realize that things are not always as they seem. I want to tell him that I understand why he left, and that although not having a father figure in my life has marked me in many ways, I know that there was nothing he could do. I know he did what he could with what he had. And that is all any of us can do in life, is it not?
Florence Czok 